I haven’t written for a while, don’t get me wrong, I had tried to at the back of last year – I wanted to reflect, but just felt a bit blocked.
So here I am at the end of January… and man I feel good! I feel ready, I feel set and I am SO excited about this year! I just wanted to write what I’m feeling - who knows you may think I’m mental, you may want in or it may just brighten your day, either way I’d love to hear from you. Maybe it’s because of the full moon tonight, but I’m feeling emotional (in a good way) and felt compelled to write – here’s me being very raw and honest!
First off, a little reflection on last year. 2020 what a ‘mare! It was scary – I started off in a permanent job with a mortgage, thinking I was pretty set and then bam! The rug was pulled underneath from me with a redundancy extremely early in the year (great job market out there at the time too – not!). Luckily, I’m pretty used to the rug being pulled from underneath me so had ways of dealing with this new change. Don’t get me wrong, I had a breakdown – had many in fact, I let those tears fall, but after they had subsided, I knew I had to do something to channel my energy into, it made me re-evaluate everything, what did I actually want to do? Was I happy in this job? Was it helping me emotionally and mentally? Spoiler – it definitely wasn’t and I can see that in black and white when I look back at my five-year journal and can see what I wrote on those days when I was in that job!
Another thing this event did, was hammer home to me even more that I need to be self-sufficient in my income. I have read so many books about passive income, money mindset and money income streams – you name it, I’ve read it, but somehow, I kept chasing ‘being in a permanent job as this means security.’ I couldn’t shake it – well here I was, tossed aside by a ‘permanent’ job with no backup savings to help! It was scary, I did not enjoy it and set to getting my head down and coming up with a game plan for what was to come next.
Having suffered with endometriosis/adenomyosis and having had surgery in late 2019, I knew this was an opportunity to focus on my health. I didn’t. However, I did know that it was an opportunity to create a platform that I’d always wanted to, all about women’s health and how to deal with things in a very much man’s world (gender bias in medicine is a HUGE problem – but that’s another post!). So, I taught myself how to create a website, launched it and Inner Woman Wellness was created. I started a podcast, had spotlights on some great companies and loved being a part of the Instagram women’s community. I was working on my mindset every day and was doing really well, felt a lot better than I did in my previous job. I felt really aligned with what I was supposed to be doing, but then I had not been earning for 2-3 months and the panic had started to creep in. Normally, when I was a freelance I’d go and get a pub job (but obviously they were all shut), I set myself up as a Virtual VA, but again, people weren’t jumping to commit to spending due to the climate. Luckily, I have the most amazing and supportive boyfriend but I like to earn my own money and always have done since I was 14. It was brutal and my mental health was struggling massively. Shout out to him for putting up with me during that time as I was not nice to live with!
I was immensely proud of IWW, but I had to focus on finding a job and thank you universe, I did as a Freelance Production Manager for a new creative agency and picked up some shifts as a cleaner too to get myself up and running. I’m definitely a grafter! Haha it was great to be earning again. It then got crazy busy and meant I couldn’t channel my energy into IWW even though I wanted to. I was getting myself stressed out that I couldn’t keep up with everything I had set up, that it wasn’t doing anything and got myself into a real tizzy. At the end of the year, I also took on another additional freelance job and had no time for anything else – including my health and self-care, add in the health coaching course that I had signed up to and it was a bloody vicious cycle, this balance malarkey is HARD! By the end of the year, I wasn’t doing my morning routine that I had gotten into (Meditation, affirmations & workout) even though I knew this helped me immensely. I was drinking in the week (love a cheeky Sauvignon Blanc!) which I hadn’t done in forever, I was eating a lot more meat, white rice/pasta etc and TONNES of sugar! All of this, I know massively flares up my endo and normally seek out other alternatives. Then bam – one night – endo flare up! I hadn’t had one for so long and that was the wakeup call for me. I also kept having persistent thoughts about creating my own hamper, gift and furniture restoration business, but kept ssshing that voice up and ignoring it. I had a good chat with myself and decided that 2021 was the year I was not going to self-sabotage and stand in my own goddamn way!
We had a chilled Christmas and January rolled in, the persistent business thought was still there throughout. I sat down with Ollie and he was so supportive and said I should just go for it and stop talking myself out of it. I set my goals and intentions, but came down with flu the first week (not the ‘rona!) so felt very sorry for myself – not the way I wanted it to start out. I knew I needed to get on top of my health and work on my money mindset – these are my key goals this year. First out was the alcohol (great shout when a new lockdown kicked in!), gluten, then the sugar – I needed to channel a way for sugar not to be my go to when I’m tired/sad/stressed/insert any emotion right here! Next up, getting into my morning routine again – exercise helps me so much mentally, but with tendonitis in my knee I was being advised not to train on it. I had signed up to the NSPCC 5 Peaks challenge in April too, so this wasn’t an option for me. setting up the business and the money mindset challenges this can bring up – eeek this is Pandora’s Box!
So, how has January gone for me? Well it’s been a rollercoaster! First up, the first 2 weeks of no sugar was brutal – the pounding headaches every day were a killer, can really understand how it’s a drug! Especially doing my health coaching course too, it’s really helped me ask when I eat things – how is this going to make me feel? Will I be running at 100% if I fuel my body with this? Most of the time I end up putting things down. There was one day where I was having a meltdown and hunted down a chocolate bar, I went to bite it and then said if I do this because I’m feeling stressed I’ll never break the cycle. So, I just sniffed it instead and got an orange!! My brain had the smell of chocolate so triggered the same reaction with the orange J. This wasn’t about deprivation, this was about breaking a cycle I’ve been in for a bloody long time and bringing down my body’s inflammation! Eating wise, I am really pleased to say that I have been sticking with it, I’ve gone back to pretty much being a pescatarian, stopped eating gluten, upped my fruit & veg intake and have chosen my ‘treats’ on weekends a lot more carefully. Alcohol wise, I don’t miss it at all. I love my alternatives – Fizzero and feel no need to get back on it. I probably will for special occasions, but I just don’t feel it’s necessary for me anymore. I much prefer my health being great. I am pleased to say that this with no alcohol has made me feel a lot trimmer, I have bundles more energy and more importantly – massively cleared my skin! Now if I eat sugar, the next day I will break out – I just don’t want it! Another thing that this reset has done has made my body reset how it reacts to certain foods. I couldn’t eat eggs for ages without breaking out and endo pain, pleased to say.. omelettes are back on the menu! Endo pain has gone and I've even started seeing a pelvic physio too to help with some of the trauma that still resides in my body. I am loving this experiment, seeing my growth and development, and can’t wait to continue with it, so watch this space!
Exercise and morning routine.. well this has been very up and down. I have had days where I haven’t wanted to do anything, take the dog for a walk and that is it. Some days I have had an urge to go for a huge long walk for hours. The difference is, I have listened to my body. We’re in lockdown 3.0 in the middle of winter, I have been kind to myself instead of punishing my body with a hard HIIT workout that I’m just not feeling (neither is my knee!). This past week I have gotten into yoga and actually this revitalises me much more in the morning. Another firm favourite is going on my under desk treadmill and banging out some great tunes whilst doing some work – really gets my mood up!
Leading onto my mental health, again, hit and miss. I am working on my money mindset, but didn’t realise how many other feelings this would bring up – self worth, success, security – ooooo it’s brought up A LOT and made me feel quite frankly, crap at times. I am committed to working through this, so I can have my life of freedom, to work on my own schedule when I have kids and for the dog. I am doing the work and have committed to healing my wounds and working with a coach to really breakthrough. After all, there’s no better investment than in yourself. At times I panic over money and over stress about every little thing, especially as I have invested in a new business, but then I think I have to have faith. I am turning up, taking action and I know the Universe will help me achieve my dreams.
I have been pulled more towards my business Smile Lifestyle & Wellness instead of Inner Woman Wellness this year and at first, I was stressing myself out again trying to run the both and the pressures of keeping up with social media, but now I’m going with the flow and to where my energy and passion is coming from on a daily basis – I’m going with it. I haven’t said goodbye to IWW – it’s where I see my future as a qualified Health Coach, but for now I am focusing on my Luxury Hamper, Furniture Restoration and Gift business – Smile Lifestyle & Wellness and I am loving it! I have much more creative energy and I am really excited for the future of building the brand, I’m also really enjoying the podcast I’ve launched with my friend Tasha – Happy Power Hour with G&T. She’s also going on a similar journey and it’s great to share it with her. Us women need to support and cheer each other on! Another thing I am also really enjoying is my health coaching course and I can't wait to share some of this with you in more detail - the body really is so fascinating!
Over Christmas is when I got the vision for the brand and felt a pull to do it. It was scary to commit and put money on the line but I’m opening myself up to more of a feminine energy (another goal) and seeing where this journey takes me. Taking this plunge has actually opened me up to a bit of a personal spiritual journey too. I’m learning a lot more about the chakras, crystals, energy healing and the power of the moon. I actually was such a disbeliever in this for so long – it was all too ‘woo woo’ for me, but now I’m it, I feel it and am really enjoying going deeper and deeper into this realm.
We’re only 4 weeks into the year and honestly, I can say I haven’t felt this at peace for a while. I feel great! I still have my days, and allow myself to feel the feels – we have to be kind to ourselves, especially during the challenging times we’re all living through. What’s the point of this rambling blog I hear you cry? I guess.. be open to things, be kind to yourself and trust in the process. Follow your heart and see where it takes you! We got this!!
If you’ve had a similar journey/realisation or just want to share how your January has gone, I’d love to hear from you all! I can’t promise when I’ll next write as I’m not putting that pressure on myself, but I shall keep you posted :)
Love & positivity,
If you'd like to check my new business out head to https://www.smilelifestylewellness.com/ or check it out on Instagram: @smile_lifestyle_and_wellness xx