I’m so sorry I’ve been off of the radar lately, I took a step back to focus on my health and getting myself back on track as to be honest I was really bloody burnt out. I thought what better way to make a comeback than by sharing my thoughts on what I’ve been going through, be really honest – as that’s what I’ve always wanted to be, and if anyone can relate then let’s connect and support each other.
Since the start of COVID & lockdown, I personally handled it to start off with pretty well. I needed the break as I was in a non-stop environment which took a toll on my mental health some days, so the mini break was welcome in order for me to focus on myself again. Well this lasted approximately 2 days if that…For anyone that knows me, I love to be busy and the thought of an indefinite period with nothing to keep me occupied was something I did not want to imagine! Alongside this, whatever I do undertake I go in all guns blazing and give 110% in everything I do… sometimes this ends up being massive detriment to my health, again, this is something I am really trying hard to work on.
To start with, I decided to really get to grips with myself and did a lot of mindset work to get myself in a more positive head space, which really helped. This process eventually led me drilling down into what I wanted from my own life and path - my main goal being that I want my own business and be financially secure, so when I have children we can live the best life possible and I can work from home, around my kids. I have wanted this for years and knew after my own health journey that I wanted to help women in particular, as I strongly feel that we have a seriously long way to go to get women’s health awareness and treatment to where it needs to be in this day and age. I scribbled down all the notes and plans on where I saw my life leading me and eventually created Inner Woman Wellness. I have never been a social media fan, but my eyes were opened on how amazing the community can be and how many women are out there sharing their brilliant work with everyone, it’s truly inspiring! I felt that I had aligned myself with my true calling.
I jumped straight in, both feet first and even though I didn’t know much about building a website, creating a podcast or even social media for that matter - I figured it out and was loving every second of it! Alongside this, I was unintentionally building another lifestyle and wellness business which I was loving too, but it was equally demanding - which I could manage when I didn’t have a full-time job.
Then August hit. I managed to get a freelance role that I really enjoyed and definitely took the pressure off of me financially, but it was a full on, mad job and I was struggling to keep up with all the other commitments that I had made and businesses I was trying to build. I was running myself into the ground and was not looking after myself. I was working late at night and then getting up at 5am as I had read and listened to numerous podcasts that said this is the best time to wake up and ‘get shit done’, but was falling asleep at midday. I was working on my things every day, including weekends as I thought this is what I’ve got to do if I want to be successful, but I hadn’t had a day off from it since I started everything in March. I was feeling disappointed with myself about not posting every day, to be consistent, as I had it in my brain that if I didn’t post I wouldn’t be successful. I was feeling guilty watching Netflix as again, I had been listening to people and things out there that said not to watch it in order to be successful. I was driving myself mad!
My health was deteriorating at a pretty high speed, I was pouring from a very empty cup, putting myself under huge amounts of pressure and enough was enough. This was showing in my physical state big time; My skin had really flared up, I was struggling to have a peaceful sleep, I was feeling nauseous daily – to the point of even throwing up after one of my smoothies. My body was having severe reactions to sugar that I was ‘soothing’ myself with (lots of tummy aches/digestion issues) and most of all, my endo fatigue was back in a huge way. I couldn’t get up in the mornings before 10am and would put myself back to bed during the day – I’d lost all motivation. I was definitely suffering from signs that I had when I was suffering with my endo, which caused me to stress more as I didn’t want the physical pain to come back again. My body was really telling me no!
Another fuel to the fire was the fact that I had also ended up comparing myself to other people ‘killing it’ in their businesses and their Instagram’s and it took me down a bit of a rabbit hole. I know IG is everyone’s edited life, but it didn’t stop me. This is when I decided to take a step back and switch off for a couple of weeks from all social media, honestly, I felt so much better for it! It allowed me to evaluate what I was doing, take a step back and gain some much-needed perspective.
Since my break from social, I have watched The Social Dilemma on Netflix – if you haven’t, please go and watch it! It’s extremely eye opening and if it wasn’t for me trying to build my own business, I would have deleted my accounts straight away! I unfollowed a lot of accounts that were triggering me, in work and fitness elements and even just that small action, I feel 100 times better.
During my break, I slept a lot and listened to my body. I didn’t put pressure on myself to workout every day, I didn’t put pressure on myself to work on my businesses every day – I focused on my freelance work as I do really enjoy it. I watched Netflix, without feeling guilty as you know what – I bloody love a good TV show and I’m done with feeling guilty admitting this! I spent time with my family, with animals, being outside and I even had an amazing weekend, spending quality time with my boyfriend, just us and no phones exploring Chester – this was the most relaxing and fun weekend I’ve had all year. I knew I had to come back as I want to build my business, but I want to build it on my own terms, in my own time and in my own way – whilst listening to my body. I needed to re-evaluate the goals I have on my vision board and plan out my next move. Which has led me to realise that my main priority is Inner Woman Wellness and that will be my key focus moving forward. So, I am going back to school and starting my Health Coach course, which means I will be in a better position to start helping other women who get themselves worked up into the state that I did, who are suffering and to help them find some peace within their lives. It’s scary to make this commitment but I am really excited about this next chapter.
I am now starting my journey which I will be documenting to get myself back on track. Like most of us who suffer from Endo/Adeno, we try and do a million things at 110% but forget that our bodies function at 80% and whilst we need to not live our life by this, we do definitely need to cut ourselves some slack and listen to our bodies rather than keep pushing them all the time. If you’re like me and have had your surgery, you never want to go back to the place that you were in prior to it and that is my main goal to stop myself sliding down that hill with endo/adeno shadow lurking in the background ready to pounce. Not today Satan!!
Here’s my action plan going forward:
Step 1, I will be getting my eating habits back on track, fuelling my body in the right way and will really be working on my relationship with food. Those ‘treats’ I keep rewarding myself with A LOT will be reassessed, I won’t deny myself, but I will be finding less sugary ones! I am starting with a superfood detox to try and kickstart my system. It’s not a juice or fad diet, I am trying Your Super for the first time and have ordered their Detox Bundle. This contains 3 powerful blends of superfoods, where you have a smoothie for breakfast and dinner and plant-based lunch for 5 days. It contains Super Green which helps your immunity, Skinny Protein for healthy weight, Mellow Yellow for inflammation (excited for this one!) and Forever Beautiful for antioxidants. I’ve wanted to try these mixes for some time now so I shall keep you posted on how I get on. If you want to try too, you can actually get 15% by using the code INNER15 on their website as a reader of this blog :)
Step 2, will be making sure I move every day and incorporate yoga. As someone who suffers from tight joints and an overly contracted pelvic floor, I need to listen to the physio’s advice and stop fighting it. For now, the weights and HIIT will be on the back burner, maybe once or twice a week – if I am feeling it, but I won’t be pushing myself to do it if I don’t feel like it. Instead, I will be working through the 30 Days Yoga with Adriene as I am as flexible as a board so need to ease myself into it! I also want to get back into my pole fitness again as that bought a real social element into my life which I miss.
Step 3, would be to check in with myself daily, journaling is something I really enjoy and helps me get my thoughts in order. I am also obsessed with the Calm app these days! I use this for getting to sleep, along with their meditation in the mornings, I am currently working through 21 Days of Calm. Again, I feel so much better and ready for the day once I’ve completed this. My main aim is to be more present and stop stressing about the future and focusing on that so much as I have an awesome life and need to stay present!
Step 4, would be to make more of an effort with my social circle. I’ve shut myself away (partly due to lockdown) but when it comes to the weekends, I haven’t made any effort to go and see people. I am an extrovert by nature and working from home, on my own all day, does take its toll sometimes. I need to remember that interaction is something I need, so I will be looking for new opportunities to physically meet people too. If any of you WFH and want to create a virtual office then hit me up!
Step 5, be kind to myself. I have unfollowed a lot of triggering accounts for me and when I start to feel my internal chatter turning negative and comparing myself to others, I’m going to go for a walk or going to read – not get dragged down the spiral. I realise that if I don’t keep up with my mental attitude work that’s when I can slide and at the minute I’ve lost my confidence, so I will be working on this too. I also want to make sure that I give myself a break. Weekends will be my weekends, there is more to life than work – even though I love my work. I know that there will be times when I don’t do any of these things, but that’s OK there is always tomorrow. I’ll go back to writing my daily affirmations, saying them out loud and saying 3 nice things to myself in the mirror. It feels weird at first, but my god it is powerful!
To try and help me keep on track with these steps, I’ve bought a whiteboard and physically tick off each element in my day, which really helps me with motivation. I shall keep you posted on my progress weekly, so watch this space!
Anyway, this is a really long post which I didn’t mean it to be, but I hoped it helped some of you who may have gone down the rabbit hole that I did. I am back and always here if you need someone to talk to, until next time! xx